I am so grateful for the opportunity that we have to go to church every Sunday, and I can't wait until I feel well enough to go again.

I have a lot on my mind today, and I'm not exactly sure where my thoughts will take me so bear with me.  I am so extremely sad that I am not feeling well enough to go to church this afternoon.  I just wanted to cry when Nick left without me because I want to be there so bad!  I was blessed with enough strength last Sunday to make it to Sacrament Meeting, and I'm so grateful for that.  The last time I was able to make it to church was in December, and that was only for one week.  Before that it was in October when I first started getting sick again.  I felt so blessed and grateful that I could make it to church, and I can't wait until I can go back. 

While I was there, I wasn't able to sing the hymns.  I recently found out that singing is a no-no for me.  On a normal day for me, my lymph nodes in my throat are swollen, and I usually always feel a little light headed and weak.  When I sing, my lymph nodes flare up even more, and I feel a lot more lightheaded.  I was so sad when I realized I couldn't sing the hymns.  I want so bad to feel well enough to simply do the things that most people can do without even realizing it.  I want so bad to be well enough to have a calling and be able to go to church every Sunday and participate in the lessons.  I want so bad to be able to serve others during the week, and I want so bad to not be stuck in bed day after day.

After a few minutes of sitting and listening to everyone else sing the hymns, I was amazed at how my sadness and frustration of not being able to sing were gone.  Have you ever just sat and listened during the hymns instead of singing?  I hadn't.  It was so beautiful and peaceful, and I loved sitting there listening to it!  I know that they are beautiful and peaceful whether you sing them or not, but it was just different.  Maybe I felt that if I wasn't singing then I couldn't feel the blessings that the hymns bring into our lives.  I don't know what it was, but I'm content with not being able to sing the hymns now.  Hopefully in the future I will be able to, but right now, I am content.  Plus, when I remember how grateful I was to even be there, not being able to sing the hymns didn't matter at all.

Even though I haven't been able to go to church in awhile, I have never felt closer to Christ than I do now.  You know, I say that now but when I look back at my life, I feel like I've always been close to Him.  Sometimes I think that I feel closer to Him during the hard trials in my life, but honestly, when are you not in the midst of a hard trial?  Looking back on my life I can see the big trials, one right after the other, each time getting a little bit harder.  I know that trials are no fun, but when I lay them out, one right after the other, I realize that I needed the earlier trials to help prepare me for the later trials.  I learned lessons and developed trust and faith in Christ with the earlier ones that I needed to have to get through the later ones. It's kind of like when I was a second grader learning how to do multiplication.  It was hard, but I got through it and mastered my multiplication tables.  I was then a high schooler trying to get through calculus.  It was just as hard as it was for me to do multiplication when I was younger, but I had to have the earlier lessons and experience in math to get me through my later calculus class.

I'm going to let you in on my deepest darkest secret (are you scared?! hehe).  You know how little kids always have dreams of the future and what they want to do with their life and then that dream changes as they grow up?  Even as a child I wanted to grow up, get married, and spend my life serving my kids and my husband.  I then wanted to spend all my free time serving others as much as I could.  That has always been my one dream my whole life.  After I first got sick, I thought my dream was impossible.  How the heck am I going to ever care for children if I can't even take care of myself, let alone my husband and our tiny apartment?  Then, if I can't even care for my family, how will I ever be able to serve others??  I have learned that I will eventually feel better and learn to manage my illness.  I will be able to have a family and care for my kids.  Even more, I've learned that it's ok to let others serve me.  I don't always have to be the one doing the serving.  There are so many people in my life who want to help, and I need to let them.  It gives them the opportunity to serve someone, and it gives me the help that I very much need.  I will probably always need others to help me, and there is nothing wrong with that! 

I have also always been a perfectionist.  I always try to be as perfect as possible, and I hate when other people see me when I'm weak. 

Here's a fun story for you:  When I was little...5 or 6ish...my mom had a little day care at our house.  Every day some kids would come over and play with all our toys.  I really loved it, but we did fight about which toys to play with a lot.  In Primary one Sunday I remember that we talked about how we should all try to be like Jesus.  I had been taught that Jesus was perfect, so I thought that I had to be perfect.  On Monday morning, I told myself that I was going to be perfect that day.  All day long I let all the other kids pick what toys to play with before I picked my toys.  I let them tell me what to do and where to sit.  Instead of taking turns with toys, I let the other kids take the toys away from me right when they wanted them.  I remember at the end of the day I was sitting in the kitchen completely exhausted.  My mom was talking to the last parent to come pick up their kid.  I sat there and just cried because it was just too hard to be perfect.  I felt like a failure because even though I had been perfect that one day, I knew I couldn't do that every day.  It was just too hard.

Even though I now understand the role of the atonement so that we don't always have to be perfect, I still try to be.  Just because I'm now sick and can't do everything I've always felt like I should do doesn't mean that I'm slacking.  I still feel guilty every time I can't make it to church even though my bishop and doctors have told me it is ok, and pushing myself will only make me more sick.  I know that I am gradually changing my views and realizing that I'm not perfect and that I don't need to be.  Also, just because I set high goals for myself doesn't mean that Heavenly Father is going to be upset with me if I don't accomplish them, especially when they are unrealistic goals. 

Well, I'm getting really tired and weak so I'm gonna go rest.  I hope you got something out of this!  It really helped me feel better to write it.  Hope you all are doing well and that you have a good Sunday!

Update on My Journey to Better Health

I haven't really been feeling too much better, but I have found a lot of ways to help with relieve some of my symptoms!  Here are some things I have found that have really helped in case someone else is having problems and wants to try them out or you just want to know how I am doing. 

Side note: I feel so so blessed to have so many people who want to help and who care so much about how I'm doing.  We have had so many people from our ward who help out in different ways, and they are always asking how they can help more.  We are also blessed with lots of family near us and many dear friends.  We just don't know how to express how grateful we are. 

Back to what we were discussing, here are some things I have found that help me so so much:

-Eat 6 small meals a day.  I started doing this 3 days ago and it has already made a difference.  It's been a little hard since my body craves meals since that's what it is used to, but I'm hoping that goes away after awhile.  It has really helped my body to not have crashes so often.  It has also been a lot easier for me because I don't have to cook actual meals.  I just grab something small like a boiled egg with blueberries for a meal or greek yogurt with almonds.  I love it.

-I have gone gluten free, sugar free, and eliminated fruits that have the most natural sugars in them.  I have known that I needed to go gluten free for awhile now but I just didn't have the energy of learning how to do that.  I still don't have energy for it, but I know that I really need to do it.  I can do some research in the next couple weeks while I use what I do know.  The sugar makes me REALLY sick.  My doctor told me that my body reacts to sugar like a drug.  If it gets a little taste of it, it craves more even though it makes me super weak.  Then when I give it more, it gets even more sick and craves it even more!  So lame.  I don't know if that's how every body reacts to sugar but mine is just more dramatic or if its just me.

-Try to get as much vitamin D as possible.  I haven't really tried this one out yet since it's winter, but I believe that it will help me a lot when summer does come.  Last year I got sick in October when I stopped going out in the sun, and I didn't start feeling better until May when I started getting sun again.  I was feeling awesome until October and got really sick again.  I know that this is not my only problem because even when I did feel a lot better over the summer, I still had lots of problems I do now.  It was just a lot easier when that one problem was gone.  I have started taking a prescription dose of vitamin D once a week, and I'm supposed to take it for 8 weeks before I go in to get my blood tested again.  I am on week three and haven't really seen a difference yet, but that could be because I've had a really rough couple weeks.  This week is warmer weather so maybe I'll go to a park a few times and enjoy.  I'll let you know how it goes!

-Eat more sodium and protein.  I have also started this this week and I think it has helped a lot.  The sodium helps a lot with my low blood pressure.  It has helped me feel not near as lightheaded as I usually do!! I'm seriously so excited to continue doing this.  The protein has also made me feel more stable because I used to get almost no protein.

-Avoid warm/hot water at all costs.  Ohmyfreak this has helped so much!  The hot water makes me SUPER weak.  I have only been showering about twice a week because they would destroy my body and make me super weak for hours!  When I realized that the heat was what was making me sick I started taking colder showers and I felt so much better.  I still get weak after taking showers, but it isn't near as bad as it was.

-Avoid standing in one place or sitting in chairs normally.  This one is a killer.  Probably the most annoying thing I deal with.  Because of my low blood pressure, standing or sitting normally makes the blood pool in my blood instead of making its way back up my body.  This makes me super light headed since blood isn't getting to my head, and if I don't sit down or sit differently then I will faint. Supposedly walking isn't as bad because your legs are moving so it keeps the blood moving, but the same thing happens to me when walking. It just takes maybe 10 minutes longer to get really bad than standing does.  When sitting, I have to keep my legs up on the couch with me and bent up close to my chest most of the time.  This makes it really hard for me to sit through class or work or really anywhere you sit down.  I haven't found a solution to this yet so if you think of something, let me know!  I also bought a short stool for the shower so I can sit down and keep my legs up close to me.  It has been AMAZING! I barely felt sick today after showering!

-Exercise for my legs is supposed to help a lot with the low blood pressure.  Stronger muscles in the legs help keep the blood moving.  I haven't tried this yet because I know my body is not ready for more exercise yet.  If I go even a little over what my body can handle, it will destroy me, and I will have to start over at the beginning again.  I hope I can start exercising my legs within the next couple weeks.

I'm getting really tired now so I'll stop here.  Hope this gives you some more info on how I'm doing!

Just for laughs, here's a clip from Parks and Recreation, one of my favorite shows!!

 

 

New Blog Name!

Alright...I haven't been on here for awhile, but I am back!  Hopefully for a long while.  First things first...I changed the name of my blog!  I have been trying to think of a name that is unique to me, and I finally found one!  When the Piggies Come Home.  I love it.  Let me explain.  When I was about 2 years old, my family moved to Minnesota and went to the state fair there.  There was a momma pig with a litter of piglets.  According to my mom, all I wanted to do was look at them and nothing else.  After that, I wanted pig everything and pink everything because pigs are pink. And guess what...I still love pigs!  Charlotte's Webb is still one of my favorite movies.  

My dad used to read me When Cows Come Home.  It is a great book, and I loved it!  If you haven't read it, go read it!  





So I put the two together and voila! There's my new name :).  What do you think?

Next order of business...I have been pretty sick lately.  About a month ago I took an online quiz for my class, and it made me really sick.  I hadn't yet experienced getting sicker after mental exercise, but it was bad.  For the next week I had a fever, muscle aches, sinus problems, and I felt so weak.  I basically spent the whole week in bed.
 
Then, I caught a really bad cold.  It was HORRIBLE! Nick and I have decided that we are not going to allow anyone to see me if they are sick or have been around someone that is sick.  My immune system barely works as it is, and when I get a simple cold, at least for right now, my body just gets destroyed.  My lymph nodes are already swollen when I feel "normal", and when I get even a simple cold they FREAK out.  Nick had to stay up at night taking care of me because they hurt SOOOOOO bad.  The only way to make the swelling go down and the pain to go away is to go to the emergency room to get steroids or wait until I get better.  I have had to go to the emergency room in the past for steroids, but I want to avoid doing that as much as I can.  The steroids make the swelling go right down, but they also stop your immune system from doing anything.  Sometimes living through the pain so your immune system can function is worth it in the long run, but sometimes its not.  I have NEVER felt pain like the time I went to the emergency room for steroids.  NEVER.  So, if we have plans, let me know if you have been around anyone sick.  I don't want to take any chances.

The next week we went on a trip.  Nick and his sister went to Seattle to visit their grandma, and they dropped me off at my house in Boise.  Traveling made me sick, especially since I hadn't gotten over my cold yet.  My ears hurt all week, and I just felt so sick!  I spent the whole week either laying in bed or on the couch.  Now that we are home, I'm trying to rest and recover from traveling.

Just remember:  If you or anyone you have been around is sick, please don't come visit.  I really can't get sick like that again!!

How to Interact with a Person who has CFIDS

I found out that a more accurate name for CFS is CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue and Immune Deficiency Syndrome) so I will be using CFIDS instead of CFS from now on.  

After being diagnosed with CFIDS I have gotten many questions about it.  It is totally fine for anyone to ask me whatever questions you have, but it's hard for me to come up with answers because of a lack of energy to talk about it and the brain fog makes it really hard for me to think in the moment.  Because of that, I am going to explain some things about CFIDS that I have been asked a lot.  If you are learning about CFIDS on your own, the best place to get information is CFIDS Association of America.  I looked at the advice the site gives friends and family for helping someone who has CFIDS, and it says exactly what I was thinking but couldn't explain!  Just so you know, I will probably be posting/copying a lot since it is very hard and exhausting to come up with my own way of saying things. I have highlighted the advice from the site, and my comments are in black.

• CFIDS affects every aspect of an individual's life.  Be aware of the emotional struggles that a patient goes through. Definitely...Every day I realize there are things that I probably won't be able to do again, and it makes me very sad, frustrated, and angry.  One part of treatment is writing out things that you are upset about and finding something good to replace it with.  I will be doing that later this week.  Around others I try to be as positive and uplifting as possible, but there are many times when I'm alone when I definitely have trouble getting a hold of my emotions.  Please don't assume that nothing about this upsets me and that it hasn't changed everything I thought my life would be like.  It has.
• CFIDS is an invisible illness, meaning that there are few obvious signs that the patient is ill. Although the person may look "normal" when you're together, you may not see the relapse that follows activity.  Many patients want to function at their best when with friends, but privately pay a price later.  Exactly.  Many people look at me like they don't believe I'm sick because they can't see it.  They often tell me that I'm boring or lazy for not wanting to continue to hang out with them or even continuing a conversation.  This is frustrating because I would love to do those things, but I know that if I do, I probably wouldn't last more than a few minutes, and I would be sick for weeks after just one night of fun. Also, it may sound strange but carrying on a conversation is really hard for me. I can listen really well when someone is talking, but responding can be difficult.  It takes so much of my energy to talk, and talking for more than a few minutes makes my lymph nodes in my neck swell more than usual.  It then becomes very painful to talk.
• It is difficult for CFIDS patients to make advance plans and plans often must be canceled at the last moment.  Because overexertion leads to relapses, previously enjoyed activities must often be altered or given up.  This places a tremendous strain on partners and friends.  Accept that you may not be able to enjoy the same activities with the patient as you used to.  Try to keep plans and expectations flexible to accommodate unpredictable symptom changes in the patient.  I'm sure many of you have experienced a time when I cancelled on you at the last minute.  I know this happens a lot, and I hate it.  I hate that people can't count on me to do what I say I will do even though I know it's not my fault.  I hate hearing the disappointment in their voice even though I know they understand and they just want to spend time with me.  This is one thing I think will take me a long time to get used to.  This is also why I often avoid making plans.  Sometimes just the thought of having to shower and get dressed in order to go out frustrates me because I know that in itself will probably make me sick to the point where I can't go out.
• Memory impairment in patients may cause them to interrupt to say what they think because if they don't, they will forget it.  If these interruptions are distracting, ask the patient to jot down notes during the conversation.  OHMYGOSH YES!!  This is one of the most annoying things that I have to deal with.  It seems like every time I open my mouth to speak I either loose my train of thought half way through the sentence and can't recall what I was talking about or I can't recall words that I am trying to say.  Just ask Nick...He finishes all of my sentences and has to remind me what we are talking about at least 5 times during our conversations.
• Avoid making well-intentioned comments such as "I know how you feel" or "I get tired often too".  Healthy people obviously experience some symptoms of CFIDS from time to time, although not as frequently and severely as patients do. These statements may be perceived as insensitive and hurtful, potentially damaging closeness and trust.  This one is also true.  Many people try to tell me things that they do when they are tired, but none of those things will help me.  This is not normal exhaustion, and I have to do things differently than "normal" people.  If I ask for advice, feel free to tell me what you think, but don't be upset if I don't follow it.  
• CFIDS is not a logical illness.  Understand that a patient may be fine to participate in an activity one minute and feel really sick the next minute.  Respect the need of the patient to prioritize, rest, and discontinue any activity at the first hint of fatigue or other symptoms.  Definitely.  This happens a lot.  I can be perfectly fine, go grocery shopping, and in the middle of getting groceries feel so sick like I'm going to collapse or faint.  Simply walking up a flight of stairs can make me go from feeling great to the point where my whole body shakes and I have to lay down. It is not fun.  I can also feel like I have a lot of energy for hanging out with friends but 5 minutes later be completely exhausted and need to go home.  Because of this, it is hard for me to answer when you ask me how I am feeling.  More than likely in that day alone I have gone back and forth from feeling ok to be up to needing to sit or lay down.
• When you are unsure about what would be helpful, ask! You are not expected to be a mind reader, and giving unwanted help or advice may cause resentment.  Don't be shy or worried that you will say something wrong.  I would rather you ask me your questions than just do something that makes it worse for me when you thought it would help me.  I will also be honest and let you know when I do need something.  When you ask me if you can do something for me, it is hard for me to think about things that I need.  It would be easier on me if you asked specifics such as "Can I do your grocery shopping" or "Can I clean something for you".

These are the main things that most people have wondered about or I think people need to understand.  I'm sure I will think of more as time goes by, but for now these are the most important.  Feel free to ask me anything, but don't be upset if it takes me a few minutes to think of an answer.  I am so grateful for the friends and family members that care so much and want to help as much as possible.  I have been very blessed.  Check back tomorrow for my list of positives and negatives!

Jeffrey R. Holland: Laborers in the Vineyard

I'm completely exhausted and not feeling great so I didn't go to church today.  I decided to watch some General Conference videos while Nick is at church, and Laborers in the Vineyard by Jeffrey R. Holland was the first one to come to my mind.  Can I just say I am in love with this talk?? It is probably my favorite conference talk of all time!  This is probably because it hits a spot that is very special to me.

All my life I never understood the parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard. For those of you who don't know what it is, watch the video at the bottom of the page first. It was so frustrating to me because I didn't think it was fair that they all got paid the same wage even though some people worked all day and some people only worked for an hour at the end of the day.  This is probably because I worked pollinating cornfields every summer since I was 14 and I absolutely HATED it.  I can honestly say I've never hated anything more than that.  I literally knew exactly how it felt to labor all day in a field.  If I went to work one day and at the end of the day I got paid the same amount as someone who only worked the last hour I would be livid.  Like throw a fit livid.  I would picture that person out with friends all day, coming to work the last hour (which is the easiest hour), and going back out with friends for the night. I would then picture myself going to work in the morning, working through the dew that makes the corn super itchy and scratchy, working through the hottest hours of the day drenched in sweat with bugs and pollen all over me, pushing through to the end when I think I can't work anymore, and finally going home to shower only to find that I was too tired to do anything but rest until it was time to go to work again.  Do you blame me for not understanding this parable?

2 years ago I took a religion class at BYU, and we talked about this parable.  The teacher made every difference in the way that I saw this parable.  He explained what times were like back then and what the people went through.  I finally understood the parable because I wasn't literally applying it to my life anymore.  I simply needed to literally apply it to times back then, find the meaning, and apply the meaning to my life now. I absolutely love this parable now, and it means so much to me. 

My teacher explained that in those times, many people would line up on the streets waiting for someone to come hire them for the day.  They did this every day, and on days that they didn't find a job they didn't have money to feed their families.  Those that were hired to work in the morning were so blessed because they had a job for the day.  They didn't have to worry about finding a job so they could have money to feed their family that night.  Those that were chosen at the last hour were probably so grateful for the chance to work even one hour of wages, let alone a whole day's wage.  They probably worried all day that they weren't going to find work, and by the last hour they had lost hope that anyone would hire them.

In these circumstances, even if I was one who started work in the morning, I would be glad that more people got to work to earn money for their families.  If they hadn't found work, I would even be tempted to give them the money that I earned so that their children didn't have to starve.  After this clicked in my brain, the meaning of the parable finally came through to me.  As members of the Lord's church, we work in His vineyard every day.  People join the church at all different stages of their lives, but we all get the same reward: all that the Father has!  Were you so excited when you realized this?!  I was ecstatic!!  Plus, I am truly blessed to have started in the "Vineyard" as a young child.  I had the comfort and help that the knowledge of the Gospel brings in the trials of life.  I had guidance and direction.  Because of this, I was able to avoid many of the sorrows of life, just as those who started work in the vineyard did when they didn't have to worry all day about whether or not they were going to feed their family that night. Those people that join the church later in life didn't have that guidance and comfort throughout life.  They were lost and had to figure things out on their own.  

Plus, when those of us who have been faithful members of the church our whole lives get to the Celestial Kingdom, we won't stand at the door and forbid those who didn't serve as long as we did to come in.  The thought of that is just ridiculous!  We will be throwing the door wide open, ready to receive anyone who is worthy to come in!  Now that thought makes me so extremely happy!  I would love if everyone could be worthy to be in the Celestial Kingdom and partake of the blessings that come with that!  Realizing this makes me want to go out and share the gospel with everyone I see! 

After finally realizing all of this, I am in love with this parable because it makes me want to be the best person I can possibly be.  It makes me want to share the gospel, stop judging others, and serve as many people as I possibly can. When I heard Jeffrey R. Holland's talk about this, I fell in love with it even more.  I hope that all of you can find the joy and light of this parable as much as I have.  Here is Elder Holland's talk for those of you who haven't heard it or want to hear it again!  I seriously watched this like 5 times today.

Don't be afraid of sharing your thoughts!  I love hearing other people's views.  We all sometimes find different ways to apply meanings to our lives, and I would love to know what you got out of the parable or the video!

First week of goals...here I go...

OK so now that I know what is going on with my body I have goals that I need to set so I can get better.  Like I mentioned before, I need people to be accountable to so I will be posting whether or not I complete my goals for each day.  Feel free to give me any tips or ideas that might help me or reprimand me for not following these goals very well.

My First goal is to set and stick to a graded exercise program.  For those that don't know what that means, it is an exercise program that starts with almost no exercise and very very gradually leads up to more.  For the first week, I am going to stretch for 5 minutes 3 times a day.  When this week is over, I will plan the next week depending on how I am doing.

Times/Days	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Monday	Tuesday
1	no	yes	yes	yes
2	no	no	yes	no
3	no	yes	yes	no

My Second goal is to set and stick to a sleep schedule.  I am supposed to try to sleep at only these times no matter how tired I am.  If I find I am too tired to stay awake with this schedule then I need to plan more time for sleep.  I am more tired around 12 than I am any other time so that's when I'm going to take my nap.

Times/Days	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday
Wake 8:00	yes	8:30	yes	8:30	9:30
Nap 12:00-2:00	yes	yes	no	no
Bed 9:00	10:00	9:00	11:00	11:00

My third goal is to set and stick to a specific diet of no sugar, little gluten, and and no processed foods.  This one shouldn't be too hard since I am eating pretty healthy already.  

Foods/Days	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday
No Sugar	yes	yes	yes	yes
Little Gluten	yes	yes	yes	no
No Processed Foods	no	yes	yes	no

The first thing that I want to do is to be able to go to church again.  I often make it to Sacrament Meeting, but I crash after that and have to go home.  I think one of the problems is that our church is from 1:00 pm to 4:00 pm.  That's right during the time when I feel the worst and am the most tired during the day.  We go to a married student ward, and I'm wondering if we should switch to the family ward so that we can go to church before I get tired.  We love our ward and don't want to switch, and the switch might not make it any better anyways.  Even on days when I'm feeling great just sitting through sacrament meeting wipes me out and I still have to go home afterwards.  Any ideas that might help me with this?

Finally...a Diagnosis

As most of you know, I have been sick on and off for the past year and a half, and I always thought it was mono.  Most of the symptoms I've had are very similar to mono, and the three different doctors that I went to said it was mono.  They also told me that there was nothing that I or they could do and that I just had to wait it out until it got better within a month or so.  After a year and a half, its still here.  I ended up having to quit work and most of my classes because I was so sick.  I finally started feeling better at the end of November, and I was so sure that it was going away. I continued to rest and eat as healthy as I could.  I then decided I was well enough to start exercising. Last week I did 30 minutes of relaxing yoga on Tuesday and Thursday. On Friday, my body just fell apart.  Every muscle in my body ached as if I had run a marathon, my lymph nodes everywhere in my body were swollen more than usual, and i was completely exhausted.  I just felt so sick!  I went to the doctor early this week to make sure that my spleen wasn't swollen since I had a lot of pain there, and she told me that mono wouldn't be flare as much as it was with just a little bit of exercise.  She did some tests and diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

I wanted a second opinion so I went to another doctor that I researched that has a lot of experience with chronic fatigue syndrome, and he agreed that's what it was.  For those of you who don't know what CFS is, I'm just going to copy and paste from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention because I'm tired and my brain just doesn't want to work right now.

  "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or CFS, is a debilitating and complex disorder characterized by profound fatigue that is not improved by bed rest and that may be worsened by physical or mental activity.  Symptoms affect several body systems which can result in reduced participation in daily activities.

The fatigue of CFS is accompanied by characteristic illness symptoms lasting at least 6 months.  These symptoms include increased extreme exhaustion and sickness following physical activity or mental exertion, insomnia, fevers,  memory/concentration problems, brain fog, muscle and joint pain, swollen lymph nodes and spleen, sore throat, fainting, dizziness, weakness, allergies, sensitivities to odors, chills and night sweats, visual and aural disturbances, and depression or anxiety.

While symptoms vary from person to person in number, type, and severity, all CFS patients are limited in what they can do to some degree.  CFS can be as disabling as multiple sclerosis, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, heart disease, and similar chronic conditions.

CFS often affects patients in cycles: patients will have periods of illness (can last for years) followed by periods of relative well-being.  For some patients, symptoms may diminish or even go into complete remission; however, they often recur at a later point in time.  This pattern of remission and relapse makes CFS especially hard for patients to manage.  Patients who are in remission may be tempted to overdo activities when they're feeling better, but this overexertion may actually contribute to a relapse.

The percentage of CFS patients who recover is unknown, but there is some evidence to indicate that patients benefit when accompanying conditions are identified and treated and when symptoms are managed.  High quality health care is important" (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

There's not much that can be done for treating it, but there are a few things that they can do.  The main treatments are controlling symptoms, followng a GEP (graded exercise program), sticking to a strict sleep schedule and diet, changing daily activities, and using cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to live with the fatigue and other symptoms in everyday life.

I am doing alright, and I have lots of people that are eager to help in any way that they can.  My visiting teachers, home teachers, neighbors, friends, and family have all helped so much with anything that we need.  We have been very blessed, and we are so grateful to everyone for their prayers and help.  One thing I've learned is that I need someone to be accountable to with my treatment plans so that I will follow them well.  For this reason I will be posting my treatment plans on here.  I know especially when I'm so exhausted that I don't like worrying about exercising, eating, sleeping on schedule, and whatever else. Feel free to get on me if I'm not following them!

I mostly feel so relieved that we have a definitive diagnosis!  I was so confused why all of a sudden I was allergic to gluten, needed glasses, had hearing problems, became very anxious, and for the life of me could not make my mind focus on my classes.  It feels great to have a reason why all those things have happened.  Even though this is worse than mono, I'm glad I finally know what it is.

Also, I am continuing my education until I graduate.  I have a few online classes that are super easy and I can work on them when my mind decides to work, and other than that I only have 4 or 5 classes left until I graduate.  I plan on taking one class a semester so I don't overdo anything.  I may graduate a few years late, but I will graduate!

I'm also starting this blog to keep myself busy so I don't keep watching Netflix all day.  After watching it every day for a year and a half its extremely boring.  Pretty sure I have every episode of the office completely memorized.  Test me, I dare you :)